Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Not Nearly Good Enough

Maybe I shouldn't write this post as I'm pms-ing and feeling a little emotional, but it's something that's on my mind today and where else can I share this but on my mental vomit page.

Sometimes, I don't feel good enough. Sometimes, I feel like I'm that kid again who is always picked last to join a team in p.e. No one knows what I'm capable of, how special I truly am, and they hardly ever take the time to find out.

What got me thinking about this is my drive home. This is the time when my thoughts have free reign to flit about my brain because, when I drive on a one-way street, my mind is on autopilot. So I think. A lot. And today, listening to a song that reminded me of my ex-boyfriend, I thought about how good I was for him. But he let me go. This got me thinking about movie roles I handled better than my competition but I didn't get because the director wanted a named actor. I'm usually first in line for the role but for that reason. This got me thinking about this past weekend's speech contest. The judges all came to me afterward, telling me how great my speech was and how it was the best organized and the best written, yet I didn't place first or second. I do blame the fact that I procrastinated so my delivery wasn't smooth and that I was the most under dressed of the contestants because I wore jeans ( wasn't told about a dress code).

***so I wrote this post on my phone, even finished it, but the finished product disappeared as I clicked published. So this post will be left unfinished b/c I lost the sentiment of what I wrote. Just know it was good.***

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