Sunday, March 11, 2012

Cutting Away the Baggage

He said he wouldn't date me if I cut my hair short as I exclaimed at the cropped haircut of a woman passing by.

But I went against my instincts dating him in the first place, giving him chance after chance at the insistence of my friends. They said I was being closed-minded; I was being too harsh in my rejection/objections. So I thought, maybe...even while the alarm bells were clanging in my head. But I ignored those warnings and, eventually, I sought out the thrill that went through me at his texted hellos, validated myself with his communication, and immersed myself in unworthiness when that communication slowed to a near halt. I lost myself.

Wednesday, I found out that he had changed my life forever, possibly destroyed a dream. He scarred me in a way time won't even heal. I don't want to date anymore. I'm going to continue walking through life alone. But first I had to get rid of the baggage.

Yesterday, I made up my mind that he and I won't even be friends.

And, yesterday, I armed myself with a pair of blue and yellow titanium steel scissors and reclaimed myself.

I stood in the bathroom, measuring out three inches of my hair, then took up the scissors and chopped off the remainder, cutting away any chance we had of getting back together. As if there was one.

 With every snip, fell a memory. With every strand, I said goodbye.

Today, I got it all done professionally.


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