Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The Foundation of Failure, My 6th Toastmasters Speech

It's been an extraordinarily hard three weeks. I've gone from being stoked for the new year's annihilation of 2011 and obsessing over pounds to begging for the "hardships" of yesteryear and bowing my head in prayer because this year has been the epitome of hard. The last three weeks have unfolded more heart wrenching news upon heart wrenching news upon even more heart wrenching news. I've, literally, been beaten down, crying out to God from the very depths of my soul, surrounded by a self-sustaining sea of saline. My eyes have been wrung dry as has my heart. I felt every bit of a failure in every aspect of my life for familial reasons I can't go into.

But God.

He planted people in my path who showed me the other side of the coin and, for that, I am thankful-- still hurt and angry and sad but, also, thankful.

I continued going to Toastmasters and was scheduled to give my 6th speech. I removed myself from the agenda but not in time, I suppose. I stood, completely unprepared to give a speech, shoulders drooping from the weight of the issues I now faced, mind completely affixed and floundering in the field of failure. I walked up to the front podium, took a deep breath, then opened my mouth, speaking on the only thing I could-- failure.

I know God was using me that night to talk to me, as well as to the other members and guests present. In fact, after I gave the speech, a couple of the guests approached me to tell me what a timely message that was for them. I could only smile because I didn't feel like I deserved it; those words weren't mine.

This is that speech:
A few days ago, I was quite disconsolate and, while thinking about everything that's been happening, the tears began to sting anew. In the middle of putting together a video for a weight loss show audition tape, listening to the speech to find a good sound bite to put in the tape, I began to pay attention to the words that fell my lips. By the end of the speech I felt fortified again.

I still find myself falling back into sadness during quiet moments; it's hard not to when I think of how changed my family has been by tragedy. But I'm learning to lean more and more on God. I sense Him all around me and I know He's in control. It helps that I've been introduced this past week to the song, For Every Mountain by Kurt Carr; it reminds me of how often God has kept me throughout my life. I've made it a point to listen to this song, at least, once a day. If you need encouragement, this is definitely a song that can provide it. Have a listen.
Kelly Price also does it some great justice. See/hear for yourself.
So I'm going to end this entry on that note. Be encouraged. We serve a mighty God.


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