I often find that I have nothing to say. Ironic for a girl who was chastised on Facebook for being too talkative. I guess, now that it's a blog and not just immediate access/posting of my thoughts as they occur, the thrill is gone.
It's a little lonely out here in blog world. I'm not a person who just likes to see myself speak. Yes, I said see.
I'm a true Gemini; I equally like to be left alone and engaged in discourse with people. I need that escape from my thoughts and, at times, from the hardships in my life. I do so much alone that it's really all I know how to be but it's not all I want to be.
I wish I could be the person with scores of friends, people from interesting places with interesting lives. But that's never been me. For as long as I can remember, I've always had just one close friend. I remember just once having three close friends at the same time but, then, I think I became jealous when they left me out of something (don't remember exactly) and I shut them all out. I'm really good at that, shutting people out. Very good at that. But I'm wise enough to know the only person hurt is myself. I'm used to the hurt; I tend to hug it my chest like a long lost relative. It lives within me until I find a new friend and the cycle begins anew.
How do I change that? And how do I beat back the irrational monster of envy?
How do I get more people to converse with me on my blog?