Condolences to Colorado

They said he was forgettable.

Early Friday morning, the Batman Killer made sure we knew his name-- James Holmes. Somehow, this brilliant young man, a medical student with prospects of being a doctor, the guy with twinkling eyes and a shy smile that spoke of secrets and mischief, the kind of which Dennis the Menace would be in awe, transformed into the stuff of which nightmares are made, a red-headed bogeyman who penetrated the excited yet peaceful atmosphere of the Aurora, CO movie theater just fifteen minutes into the midnight showing of the latest Batman movie, terrifying its dark spaces, indiscriminantly wielding weapons no human should ever point at another human-- an assault rifle, a shot gun, and pistols. In his wake, he left a score or two of people injured and a dozen dead, including a girl as young as six.

His AdultFriendFinder profile obtained by TMZ

Yet he was arrested without incident, calmly gave himself over to the police without any resistance. On top of that, he told police of his explosive-outfitted home, knowing full well the investigation would extend to his place of living. The police turned up months of planning as well as this degenerate's booby trapped lair.

I have to ask why. Why would a man, hell-bent on the destruction of peace and innocence and humanity, give up his final hurrah? And why didn't he resist arrest? Why did he stop shooting? Why didn't he kill himself? He had to know that there was no happy ending waiting for him. What was his motive? What did he hope to accomplish?

Until now, I never gave thought to the safety of the movie house. There's something very sacred and American about the shared experience of watching moving displays of creativity under a blanket of total dark. I don't ever give a glance at my unknown neighbor (unless my eye is grabbed by the glaring blue screen of a cellphone); I don't ever sit in apprehension of the exit door. Now that will all change. At least, for me, this incident has just ruled out midnight showings; they're too isolated in that the parking lot is emptied of people strolling to and from their cars into the theater. That first layer of protection is gone, the layer of the public. At a midnight showing, everyone is inside, ensconced within, captivated by the action up on the screen, vulnerable to such an attack.

I truly feel for the people of Colorado and the family of the killer. My condolences go out to them. But I, also, feel saddened for America. Yet, again, we are stripped of our innocence, separated by tragedy and fear from one of the last safe places left within our nation.

I can't begin to think what ramifications have yet to ripple from this frightening event.

QoMV

Fat Wishes

This time around, when I regained the weight, it all settled in places different from where it left but mostly in my stomach. I was told that has to do with age now that I’m clearly in my 30s (just turned 33 a few weeks ago). Apparently, weight settles in women’s stomachs when they get older. That explains why older women tend to have thicker waists. Wish I knew that before hand, not that I’m certain it would have made a difference.

I remember being on that scale when I was younger, saying I don’t want to pass the 150lb mark. Then I remember, saying I’m good as long as I don’t pass the 200lb mark after having my 2nd baby at 20. I remember the heaviness on my shoulder when I first saw the scale say 206lbs. But that didn’t stop the line in the sand from moving to 250lb then 300lb. I never got up to 300 but, at one point, I got close. Luckily, my health gave me a good wake up call when my right leg would swell just from sitting for a little while and heartburn erosion ate away my voice. For three months I could not speak without getting winded, I lost the ability to sing, and, metaphorically speaking, I realized how much I needed a voice, my voice. That scared me enough to get into the gym and down to 251lb.

But, a couple of years ago, I climbed back up to 264lb. Lost down to 228lb, now I’m back at 245 after losing 10lbs this summer. I definitely feel like I’ve done more damage this time around even though I’m still about 26lbs lighter than my highest recorded weight (271lbs). If I have more fat in my stomach than before, as evident in the mirror, then that means that fat has to go somewhere, probably around my vital organs.

While I would love a shot a being on that Biggest Loser ranch, getting the time away to focus on just me, realistically speaking, for me, each video I sent out was like buying a lottery ticket. There are lots of people trying to have their number called but only about 20 out of the 200,000 will be given the golden ticket. So while I do have a voice in my head saying, “Why not me”, I have another one saying, “Why not now?” So I can’t wait, especially after reading articles that say belly fat is linked to many cancers, especially after reading that fat requires an increase in estrogen, which leads to those cancers. I don’t want to have the wasting away death I’ve seen in some cancer victims or to stick myself with needles to test my insulin or to wake up in the middle of the night clutching my heart. This may seem morbid but those scenarios are not the way I envisioned living/dying.

QoMV