Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Weeeeeeelllll.....not really. I've often been told that I'm heartless. Truth is, I'm not; I just don't know what love is (I think we talked about why in an earlier post).

Anyway, I did it; I finally did it. I broke up with McDonald's.

Yesterday, on our lunch date, I held his crispy golden goodness between my lips and mentally whispered, "Goodbye". I felt our parting in every greasy pore of my being. My soul spoke to me, comforted me, as I thought about the fat-filled reflection of my bathroom mirror. In it, my chin hung low, pulling on my cheeks, giving my face the countenance of Droopy. Before my eyes flashed another image, a picture of me just 5 months ago, beaming a 1000-watt smile, double chin all but gone, the result of months of hard work.

Fast forward to October and it is not the double chin that is gone but all of my hard work and my pride and my confidence and my self-esteem and my ability to fit into my bras and my clothes. Those 40lbs I lost this year have been found. I no longer need to put out an APB but an H-I-T for those pounds. I want them gone. I'm watching my friends, who were inspired by my weight loss, achieve the success I had, the success I want back. And they look GOOD. I no longer do.

I can't find my face in the fat. And, yet, I'm still not motivated enough to get to work. Judging by how fast I regained the weight, I've come to realize that what held true before no longer does. Before, it wasn't the food I ate. Not really. Now it is. Since going back to work in August, especially during the whole 2 weeks of work in October, I've eaten at McDonald's nearly every single day-- 10 pc Chicken Nuggets, medium fry, and a medium sweet ice tea. I've barely exercised. I'm stressed out about the amount of work. My son's failing school. I don't really make enough money to live on my own but I have to live on my own (my rent takes up one whole paycheck). And all this weight is filling out my face and my stomach. I look pregnant. I, seriously, look pregnant. Self-esteem crusher. I have dreams deferred and I am so stressed I don't know what to do.

I know there are other people out there feeling like or who have felt like me. I know I can't be the only one in this great big world. And I know, in the scheme of things, my problems are quite small but still, for me, they are problems. I need solutions. So my first order of business was to break up with McDonald's. And, truth be told, I felt relieved to have made that decision. It's a step in the right direction.