Monday, December 17, 2012

(Not Yet) Reflection Time

Given that I'm a difficult person to get along with and the few health and personal issues I've encountered this year, I'm thoroughly convinced that this life is mine to travel alone. Funny how 10 years ago, I was in the position to counsel a friend from feeling the same way but that was when we had youth and naïveté on our side (she has since fallen in love, got married, and created a family-- in that order *yes!*). Maybe when I'm 80 and cussing like a sailor, some hot salt & peppered geriatric 83 year old will find me delightfully funny and pleasant company-- at least I wouldn't have to worry about getting pregnant and him being a deadbeat dad (lol), leaving me to struggle through life and adolescent hell alone (again). As I near the end of 2012, I'm letting go of the hope that someone will come along soon to make this life bearable, of past hurts, of anger over situations I can't change, of the ghosts of old love. Like they say in the bible, "can't put new wine in old skin". In 2013, my attention, my dreams, my hopes, my life will be centered around me. Chivalrous knights and fated soul mates are reserved for the pages I have yet to write.

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