TBL14 Open Call Follow Up

I've been meaning to share the outcome of the Biggest Loser 14 open call I went to in June (wrote about my decision to go in another post found here).

Long story short, I wasn't found "deserving" (reference previously mentioned blog post) enough at the open call and did not receive a call back. Let's retrace.

I woke up Saturday morning with a bad case of the sniffles; I've never had a nose so runny. Rushed out of the house to pick up my son at a friend's house, dropped him off at the local university for a football camp, then headed up to the audition. As I drove, heavy grey clouds portended a soggy Saturday but, luckily, when I pulled into the parking lot exactly at 10AM, the rain had passed. Unluckily, the sun decided to make a scorching appearance. The heat and the rainwater clashed, creating a steamily suffocating muggy mess. Plus, only two hours into my wait, the accompanying aches to my cold descended upon my shoulders, leaving me sore, sniffly, and sweaty. Aaaaand I'd forgotten to eat breakfast (rushing does that to me) so my positive good mood threatened to give way to a negative bitchy one. Thank goodness for my company in line. Her incessant chatter and sense of humor kept me from completely falling apart.

But, at least, I looked good even though I didn't feel good. I had on this gorgeous color-blocked dress with a cute pair of earrings.

Five hours from the time I first joined the line snaking around the corner (I was #384/387/something like that), I was seen by the casting director along with seven other people. My nervousness returned full steam, just in time to give my mood an extra lift and plaster a 1000-watt smile on my face (the free 5-hour energy shot* that was given out may have had something to do with it as well). I saw what looked to be a glint of recognition in the casting director's eye when I said my name and an expression of appreciation when I spoke of what I am most proud. I thought it went well; I certainly have no delusions about myself but I seriously expected my phone to ring. It didn't.

I wasn't crushed; I didn't turn over in my bed and cry like I did many seasons ago. This is going to sound conceited but I kinda felt sorry for casting that they passed me up that day; they didn't realize I am deserving. I've come a very long way from where I've been and I'm the kind of person they need representing their brand, the kind of person who is itching for an opportunity so I can pay it forward.

They get one more crack at me, though, because I sent in an audition tape nearly a month ago. It's one of the best audition tapes I've ever made. If they pass up the chance to have me after watching it, it will truly be their loss as this is the last time I audition to be on the show because I will lose this weight somehow and I'll find a way to help others myself. Girl Scout's honor.

It'll just take a little longer.

QoMV

*Note to self: You have high blood pressure; it's tooootally stupid to drink a 5-hour energy drink. Don't do it again.

Heart to Heart

Ok, God, I'm here, waiting, listening, straining to hear Your words. It's like You've been silent and that you just quietly watched me fall. I don't know why. I don't understand why all this pain, why all this sadness and non joy, why all this hurt. I believe in You and having been working towards what I thought was what You wanted me to do. And, yet, my heart has been snatched and shredded, left in bleeding strands, scared to beat for fear more trouble would come to extinguish what little life is left.

I'm here, listening, waiting, seeking Your voice.

I'm here. God tell me what you want. Guide me.
reveal it please.

I'm here. Listening. Waiting.

"I'm listening too. And waiting also. I'm waiting on you to realize that I'm everything you need, I always am and have always been everything you need. Let me work in your life. Stop trying so hard; Life doesn't have to be this hard. Move over. Get out of the driver's seat. Let me have the wheel. Relinquish your control. You don't have to know everything. You don't have to do everything. You just have to be still and listen. I will speak; I have been speaking. But so have you and you've been so busy talking that you haven't heard a word I've been saying. I don't want to be rude but shut up. I hear you. I feel your hurt, I feel your powerlessness, I feel your anguish. You were never intended to go through all this. Move over. I got this. I got YOU. I don't even need you to hold my hand; I will guide YOU. Move over. Give me the wheel. I'll show you what I can do. You just come along for the ride. I'm ready to bless you in ways you never thought possible. I'm ready to do things in your life that you haven't even asked for. I will give you everything you speak of but I want you to have more. You will have more. You will touch lives. But allow me to touch and work in yours first. You've made this harder than it has to be. Now I need you to let go; let me handle this. I told you many years ago, while sitting by that fountain, that I got you. I am your El Shaddai. I am all you need. I got you. Let me do me. I don't want you to feel this hurt. Let me bring out the heat of your smile to dry those tears. Move over, honey, I got this. "

I hear You, God, loud and clear. Have at it.

With ALL my love,

QoMV