Deadlines, deadlines, deadlines

Not my list, hers

I've had a deadline of 40 ever since I was a little girl; most people said, "By 30, I want such and such". But for me it was 40 because I understood that greatness takes time. However, as I'm approaching the 1/2 way mark of my 33rd year, I'm realizing that greatness also takes courage, not just time. This year, I found myself frozen by fear, scared of making a wrong move because, it seemed, I'd apparently made a lot of them and those errors have come home to roost. So, in my paralysis, I've made no progress toward my passion and purpose. And, now, 40 is much too close. It's only a blink away really.

I still want what I want as listed in the following exercises:

• the 30 things I want to have
• the 30 things I want to do
• the 30 things I want to be

Image from here

But, at my current rate, I don't know how much of those lists I'm going to be able to check off as done or doing. So this is my time at the crossroad where I can either choose to accept the way my life is now and continue along this path or I can put on my cloak of courage and follow the footpath of faith, open to the obstacles and the awesomeness that await me. Seems like an easy choice, doesn't it? But, when you have responsibilities (READ: children) and they are yours to handle alone, it's not.

QoMV

The Silence of God: A Poem

i stand in front of mountains
too steep for me to climb
and i'm haunted by a troubled past
i cannot leave behind
my thoughts echo with regret
my eyes incessantly weep
i've forgotten how the prayer
goes when i lay me down to sleep
i feel His silence wrapped
as i am in the cloud
i wonder if my wails
and screams were not all that loud
i plead for His mercy and beg
the Lord for help
still His silence echoes
leaving me broken by myself
no friend i have can understand
the weight of my despair
so i pray to an absent God
staring hopeless at the air
why have You forsaken me
and left me on this road
if You don't give too much to bare
why am i struggling with this load
now is when i need You most
i've asked and not received
i'm standing in front of this mountain
waiting...intercede (or waiting for You to intercede)

(c) 2012 Queen of Mental Vomit