Getting Back on Track

Yesterday was a pretty good day.

I found out my god daughter's pregnant. Well, I didn't just find out; she did. I pretty much knew it already. I was feeling a baby around me and her face popped into my head. So I texted her out of the blue about a week to two weeks ago and asked her if she was (I did that to my brother a couple of years ago and I was right then too). This positive makes me a "grandmother"at the ripe old age of 33. Oy!

My son and I went for a bike ride. I got the really ambitious idea that we would bike from my apartment to my grandmother's house. I figured, since I used to walk four miles in an hour last year, biking three miles should be a piece of cake. Yeah, a melting-in-93-degrees-with-no-cloud-cover-biking-against-the-wind-with-my-heart-thudding-against-my-chest piece of cake.

Once I trudged up the driveway of my grandma's house, pulling in breaths of air, dragging my bike behind me, I entered the house, pointed the fan in my direction, flopped on the couch, and promptly called the aforementioned god daughter to come pick me up. There was NO way I would be able to make the return journey home on that rock-hard bike seat. How the heck did I used to do this as a kid, as a teenager, biking for hours with no indication of fatigue or a near-death experience (I swear I saw the light yesterday)?

Internet Cheapie on top; Dollar Tree on the bottom.

My god daughter and I went back to my apartment and chilled a while, talking about the baby and what needs to be done in order to make sure she's healthy and the baby's healthy. I had her take another pregnancy test because I really wanted to see it (I just so happened to have a couple of Dollar Tree tests and some internet strips (had a scare last month, don't judge me) laying around in my file cabinet). Boy did the results take a LONG time to come up (about 3-5 minutes) and, even when they did, they were extra light. She would be considered six weeks by her last period but I think she a week or two less than that, judging by my extra sensory perception. You can barely see the lines on the picture but they're there (in fact, the $Tree one didn't show up before the internet strip; I went back to look at it a little while later and saw the line. She sent me a picture of another $Tree test she did this morning, much clearer). Then we watched a bit of the BET Music Awards before going our separate ways.

Source and more pix

Chaka Khan (l) Nicki Minaj (r)

*Side note* Chaka Khan looks like an older version on Nicki Minaj. When she was performing, I was like, "OMG! Are they related?" Well, I didn't say "omg"; I just don't feel like typing the whole thing.

Then, later that evening, came the best thing of all-- yes, even bigger than finding out I'm going to be a grandma (it's a corny but funny joke to me). Last night, the Queens of the Screen got back together and had a creative meeting about our script that was put on hold for the last two years (the direct result of creative differences). It felt so good to see the project revived, to see my baby come back to life. And, last night, it was truly a collaborative effort; I no longer felt like I was carrying the brunt of the writing-- I mean, I know I'll still be doing the writing itself, but, this time, the ideas, the outline we're drafting, are not just from one or two people but all three of us. I'm even more excited about it now than I was before and I didn't think that was possible.

The two-year break served us all well. Everyone is more experienced, ready to get back into the saddle and really see this thing through. We're not out with our feelers anymore; we're really stepping into this thing with more knowledge, more wisdom than before. It's no longer naive ambition; it's driven ambition. I'm praying we can get the full first draft done before the summer ends, while I have the time to write and focus on just this because next school year promises to be hella busy. Good thing we already have half of it done.


Man, it's been so long since I've been excited, since I've had so much positivity going on in my life. It's been truly missed.

Think Like a Man

Finally saw Think Like a Man, a movie based off of Steve Harvey's book of a similar name, with my mom today (the company is one reason I'm glad the sex scenes in this movie were very PG). I tried to read the book but didn't get pass the first chapter so I expected Kevin Hart to be the funniest part about the movie; I expected this to be like every black movie that crams every named black actor into the film; I expected it to be bad.

I'm glad it wasn't.

Maybe it was one big commercial for the book and a little too fairytale-ish with all its happy endings-- at least, one person could have gotten left out in the cold. But I appreciated that, not only was there happiness, all the characters grew and became better people. If only life was that way.

My ex only got out of this film that men, who are not where they want to be (or have nothing to show for their life), are right to break up with their mate (his reasoning for why we're no longer together). What he missed was that the men in the movie went out of their way to work on improving themselves-- at first for the women, but, ultimately, for themselves. So, I guess, it's a good thing that he is my ex because I need positivity.

I keep trying to compare myself to Taraji's character (don't remember the name) and her situation with Michael Ealy's character (again, don't remember the name-- guess there were too many characters. I only remember Meagan Good's Mya because it was said over and over and over again, plus it was written on a card). But there's, literally, no comparison. Michael's character had not only a dream and potential, he, also, had a skill-- he could cook. I have NO idea what my ex's skill was/is, even after nearly a year of dating. I had asked him about his goals but they were so vague and he was making no moves toward them (probably because they were so vague) so I had a hard time envisioning his future, let alone one that involved us.

But, apparently, he made the comparison between Taraji's and Michael's character to us. He said that I had everything: a stable job for 7 years (granted it never made me happy but I have responsibilities [READ: children] to take care of), a car (have only been without one for 6 months in my whole 15 years of driving), and a place (that I think is, literally, making my children and I sick). Yes, compared to him, I do have everything-- except support, love, and companionship. We, humans, are geared towards companionship. I may have been okay with being single before but that was because I never thought I would find anyone who loved me, who would bother to try to get/understand me, who wasn't intimidated by my intelligence, who could help me achieve my dreams and wouldn't think them silly, who I could build a life with. I was content being single because I thought I had to be content and single.

Now I know better. How I wish I didn't. 

Not only that, but Taraji was happy and successful with her career. She was accomplished. I'm really not. Now I know, had I reached the level of success I dream about, I would have been much like her character because I kinda have the same standards myself, which is why it took me a while to even fall for my ex in the first place. That whole no-degree-hourly-job-having-Chevy box car-driving-living-with-his-parents thing was a REAL turn-off (given my face as I type this, it still is-- especially the Chevy, ugh).

Given my current level of (un)success in the career field (I don't want to be just a teacher) and the fact that all I have, at this time, is a bachelor's degree, I don't think that section of Steve Harvey's book applies to me. But, I do already think like a man; I was raised around nothing but boys. So I think it's the act like a lady part that may be more beneficial for me. But I'll give the book a real chance to see if there is any help for me because, let's face it, I need better and I need it soon. I've got two children who have NEVER had a strong male figure in their life, though, they have had male relatives around. They need a dad and I would really like to meet and have a forever-love.

Sigh. Is it even possible?

QoMV