I've got to put in earlier hours; it's nearly 1AM. Man, I'm tired. But, as promised, here is part 2 of the 30 Things exercise.
30 Things I Want to Do
1. Get published
2. Produce movies
3. Host an award show
4. Travel more
5. Spend more quality time with my children
6. Find a mate, a life long mate
7. Lose 70lbs and keep 'em off
8. Get a house built from the ground up
9. Sky dive
10. Snorkel
11. Get over my fear of success
12. Stop procrastinating
13. Stop biting my nails
14. Finish the four screenplays that are flitting through my head
15. Finish the two fictional/romance books I've started
16. Write the children/young adult series that's living in my brain
17. Create positive traditions for my family
18. Take my boys on an awesome plane ride 19. Make my vision real
20. Direct movies
21. Create my girls' symposium
22. Leave an indelible mark on history
23. Create scholarships in my grandfather's name
24. Complete my doctorate degree
25. Forgive myself
26. Move forward
27. Sever ties with my painful past/use it as foundation for my stories
28. Find love
29. Love
30. Live fuller moments
~~~*~~~*~~~
These three things came to me as I was going back to number the ones above after the time went off (pretty amazing that I got 30 in just at the timer-- I thought I was short). I guess, my mind was still going.
31. Have more kids
32. Adopt
33. Eat better
Tomorrow's post will be the 30 Things I Want to Be. This one, if I remember correctly, gets seven minutes as opposed to five.
I've got just enough time to create this post before I go to bed. I've had a lot of things on my mind lately, trying to figure things out and sort through the muddled mess of my mind-- not in a depressing way, mind you, but more in a prioritizing way. I have story segments running into life dreams, desires colliding with fears, tail-chasing questions endlessly circling, creating another furrow in my brain. Just thinking, thinking, thinking.
Something I've been thinking about over the past week is a book I read a few years ago (maybe 5 or 6 years ago) called Write It Down, Make It Happen by Henriette Anne Klauser. The premise behind the book is that writing things down sets the wheels in motion for action. By reading and doing the exercises, you start rooting around the subconscious, unearthing desires that you may never have fully acknowledged.
The one thing about this book that stuck out the most for me is the 30/30/30 list you're supposed to create within a set amount of time. I love this exercise so much that I do it with my students before they make their vision board. Now, my mind's a little rusty but the categories are: 30 Things I Want to Have; 30 Things I Want to Do; and 30 Things I Want to Be. I don't remember the timing for the writing of each category but I know it falls between 5-7 minutes. Because I'm tired and it's late, I'm going to do just the first category tonight then I'll follow up with another one tomorrow and the last one on Thursday.
The Sandman cometh.
30 Things I Want to Have (5 minutes):
1. long pretty natural fingernails
2. a beautiful afro
3. two more children, girls
4. a husband
5. a house by the beach
6. a personal chef
7. a personal trainer
8. enough money in the bank to be comfortable and a help to society
9. my girls' organization
10. published books
11. produced screenplays
12. a few more real friends
13. a wonderful car w/o a car payment
14. a job that doesn't feel like a job
15. my doctorate
16. a projector
17. a number/weight on the scale that is less than 200
18. a real chance at happiness
19. a spacious apartment in New York
20. a swimming pool
21. a pool boy
22. a close family
23. a Canon camera that also records video
24. an iPad
25. a writing studio within my house
26. the life i dreamed
27. a house that i designed
28. house parties
29. fun
30. freedom
31. security (I didn't have these numbered while the timer was going but this is definitely a major one for me-- physical, emotional, and financial security are BIG deals to me)
So it happened again. Another kid blurted out in the middle of class, "Why are you teaching". Now, at first, I thought she meant, why did I stand up to help them w/ the songwriting lesson but, when she repeated herself w/ such a look of bewilderment/disappointment, I felt like I was sitting back in freshmen orientation when my mother turned to me and asked me why I picked education and not business as a major. My answer then is my answer now, it was the easiest "choice". I filled out my college/job application, bubbled the first thing I saw, and stuck it in the mailbox. Not too much later, I was accepted/hired.
But, really, the answer is as it was then, I'm too lazy to do anything else. How do I tell a kid I'm pushing that I settled and am not living up to my "potential" yet I'm not doing anything to change it? How do I tell my grandfather that I'm not following his direction, that I've allowed the blanket of complacency to stifle my drive and my dreams?
What I'm dealing with is bigger than procrastination; it's me. I'm my problem. I've spent so much of my life trying to do/be opposite of what people tell me to do/be that it's ingrained in my brain. I've heard, "You're wasting your potential" through all of my school life and, now, 15 years after I graduated, I'm hearing it again from my own students, kids younger than me. But now, (here come the excuses) I have real responsibilities. I can't just up and go jump feet first into the fading flood of my dreams; I have kids to take care of, that I take care of-- all by myself. I've got bills that need paying: rent, insurances, internet, food, car, etc. I can't just abandon ship. That's not what a real responsible adult does. Besides, those kids need me as a teacher; I can reach them and be there for them through their times of need.
But what about my needs and my responsibility to myself? I don't know. Am I entitled to even think that way? I don't know. Would my kids be better off with a mother who's struggling to fulfill a dream instead of one who's just struggling to fill their bellies?
I just don't know.
Yet, I teach my students to aim high. I demand near academic perfection from my kids (I'm afraid I'll be stuck at my current salary and my oldest is off to college in just two years so he needs to pull his weight to make sure scholarships come his way). I tell my colleagues to go for their desires, to place their talents in areas that feed their passion. Meanwhile, I sit on my bed with the glaring computer screen as my only source of light, counting the pennies that comprise my paycheck while trying not to think of the bills, which exceed my income, that are due.
I'm failing miserably at my Lent sacrifice. I was supposed to give up procrastination, however, I am here, still in yesterday's clothes, surfing the web, playing Hidden Chronicles on Facebook, and watching other people give speeches on YouTube when I am supposed to be preparing my own speech for today's speech contest. Yes, you read correctly: I said preparing as in I still don't know what I'm talking about for a contest that is in just 2.5 hours. And I have to leave the house in 1 hour. And I have to still shower, wash my hair, dry my hair, and WRITE my FRIGGIN' speech and practice it in just that short amount of time.
Procrastination Nation.
I've known for 4 days that I was entering this contest. I had procrastinated at work so much that I was/am behind grading so that took precedence. Plus, I still had to teach when I had classes. Yet, I had time when I got home. Now I'm procrastinating STILL by telling you that I'm procrastinating instead of writing my speech. So now, I write my speech and hope it fits the 5-7 minute criteria.
Without further delay, my speech.
Spongebob: A Life Coach (revised-- the video to the original *horrible* one is here)
I love cartoons. On a typical Friday night or Saturday afternoon (my kids rarely see the sun rise on a weekend), you can find me on the couch with my legs drawn up and a son or two snuggled beside me, watching the inventive antics of Disney's Phineas and Ferb on the small screen. This is hardly different from my childhood growing up. I watched cartoons religiously: Ducktales, Looney Toons, Dark Wing Duck, Animaniacs, Ren and Stimpy, Jem and the Misfits, HeMan, you name it. I just loved cartoons.
Now many people may feel like cartoons are a waste of time but I beg to differ. Cartoons are very valuable, not only for the creation of imagination but also as a way of reviewing and improving life. Today, I'm going to explain to you just how integral cartoons are by examining Spongebob Squarepants as a life coach.
There are over 300+ episodes of this Nickelodeon cartoon, chockfull of lessons, however, for the purpose of this speech, I am going to focus on just one episode: The Bubble Stand. In this episode, Spongebob opened a bubble stand, similar to childhood lemonade stands, selling $0.25 lessons for blowing bubbles.
Squidward Tentacles, Spongebob's uptight neighbor, ridicules Spongebob for the idea but plops down a quarter for the privilege of blowing a bubble, refusing to take a lesson from Spongebob, after all what does a kid like Spongebob know about blowing bubbles. So Squidward dips the wand into the soap solution, lifts it to his lips, and blows, creating nothing but spittle and a bubble dud. He drops quarter after quarter, repeating the same action and getting the same results. I believe, that's the definition of insanity, no?
Spongebob finally demonstrates his technique, doing a funky little dance with his arms and bringing "it around town", before dipping the wand into the bubble canister then blowing out one spectacular bubble.
After many more futile attempts, Squidward, mockingly, tries Spongebob's technique and, lo, he produces one extraordinarily large bubble which lifts him far off the ground.
After watching this cartoon, it struck me how similar to society Squidward is. He has his traditional way of doing things, refusing to even consider another way. I also realized how much I have been trying to be like Squidward when I should have been trying to be more like Spongebob. I've been dipping my own wand into the bubble canister and trying to blow bubbles in the traditional way and, I, like Squidward, kept coming up with duds. But my heart has been longing to do that funky dance, to bring my dreams "around town", before blowing them into visible reality.
I went to the University of Miami, got an English degree, and am now a teacher, and have been for seven years. But what I really want to be is who I've always been: a performer, a writer, and a mentor. Teaching was the traditional and, until recently, stable route. But my desire is to walk down the dark alley of the road less taken, leaving my own trail and creating my own legacy, my own unique bubble.
Let me ask you: how many of you are stuck, trying to do things the way society has dictated: go to school, get good grades, go to college, be a doctor/lawyer/teacher/etc, get married, have kids, sit on the PTSA, send your kids to college, retire comfortably before taking your exit of this Earth-- in that order? How many of you long to take the nontraditional route, to make your way, to fail and make mistakes, to fall and get back up more experienced and better prepared to create your dreams? How many of you are really Spongebob?
Life is filled with Spongebobs, people who did things their own way.
Walt Disney, the man who gave us Mickey Mouse, was told he "lacked imagination and had no good ideas"; Thomas Edison, the father of the lightbulb and countless other inventions, was told that he was "too stupid to learn anything"; JK Rowling, the brain behind Harry Potter, was turned down by 12 publishing houses before her book was picked up and, even then, she was told to get a day job because she wouldn't have much of a career as a children's book writer.
This list of life's Spongebobs goes on and on and on: Albert Einstein, Johnny Depp, Oprah Winfrey, Tyler Perry, George Clooney, Sarah Palin, Socrates, ee cummings, Winston Churchill, President Barack Obama, Steve Jobs, Vince Lombardi, Fred Astaire, Michael Jordan, Steven King, Charlie Chaplain, Beethoven, Hank Aaron, Judy Blume, Jackie Robinson, and so many, many more.
If you're a Squidward, be a Squidward. But, if you're a Spongebob, don't be afraid to be a Spongebob. Blow your bubbles your way. As life shows us, you'll be amongst good company and that's not a bad life lesson to learn.
QoMV
UPDATE Randomness: I found a tumblr page dedicated to the BubbleStand episode.
The video below drives the point home even further:
Spongebob episode (can't find one that's normal speed):
I've got to put in earlier hours; it's nearly 1AM. Man, I'm tired. But, as promised, here is part 2 of the 30 Things exercise.
19. Make my vision real
